The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, celebration and holy significance. In reality, for many, the holidays have become stressful and void of any real meaning. Some of us have bought into the extreme consumerism and commercialization of the holidays and have lost our connection to any reason behind the madness. Others are grieving painful losses which have forever changed our experience of the holiday season.
If you find yourself dreading at least some parts of the holiday season, you are not alone. Here are five ways all of us can enrich our holidays with more joy, meaning and connection:
- Let go of expectations
When you think about the holiday season, what about it bring you the most stress? We all have some expectations or beliefs about what needs to happen during the holidays. There might be some traditions such as preparing certain foods or making particular purchases (such as gifts or decorations) that seem to be untouchable. Perhaps there are expectations related to visits and travel that drain all our energy. There might even be some expectations related to how we and others ought to feel and behave during the holidays.
When we build up these expectations, we automatically set ourselves up for stress and disappointment. We make an assumption that all of our and others’ expectations must be met in order for everyone to have a “perfect” holiday. Even the idea that holidays need to be perfect is a made-up expectation.
For all of us, but particularly those of us who are grieving, expectations are often unrealistic. More importantly, they are not needed. What would really happen if we let go of even some of these expectations? Would it really be the end of the world?
Count the cost. Perhaps some people will be disappointed if you discontinue a tradition, but the whole family will benefit from a more peaceful and meaningful holiday time. Try it just for one year and see what happens. You can always go back to trying to fulfill every expectation next year if you want. - Define the meaning of the holiday
For some, the holiday traditions that once filled their hearts with joy no longer seem relevant or appealing. Perhaps life circumstances and relationships have changed, and the holidays now seem empty and trivial. Others find the commercial appeals to the holidays to be so demanding that they have begun to resent the holiday season altogether. Still others have never felt any meaningful connection to the holidays in the first place.
As the new holiday season begins, take a moment to define the meaning of the holiday for you. If you once felt connected to the holiday in a meaningful way, recall what it was that resonated with you. What has changed?
If the holiday once had religious meaning to you and your faith has changed (or you lost your faith), consider engaging in a new spiritual practice that is meaningful to you. If the holiday once meant traditions with a loved one who has died, consider ways to remember and honor your loved one during the season.
One way to help you define the meaning of the holiday is to ask the question, “Why is it needed in the world?” What is it about this particular holiday that people everywhere could use more or less of? Then align your seasonal priorities with activities that help you honor the found meaning. - Do something for someone else
The quickest way to connect with the meaning of the holidays and to access joy is to shift our focus from ourselves onto someone else. When we keep the focus on ourselves and whether we are “getting anything out” of the holiday, it is easy to become resentful, stressed and bored. Doing an act of kindness for someone else reconnects us with the joy of giving and connection.
Donald Miller has said, “You were not designed to sit around and look at your belly button. You were designed to be distracted (interested, compelled) by something outside yourself. This is why the feeling of love is so pleasant, because it finally frees us from thinking about ourselves all the time.”
This holiday season, schedule intentional times for helping to bring joy and meaning to someone else’s life. Lots of other people are struggling to find joy and peace in the holidays. Why not be the person who makes a difference to someone else’s holiday?
Be creative with your act of kindness. Perhaps you can help an elderly neighbor with an errand, send flowers to a lonely friend, volunteer at a charity, or pay for a stranger’s coffee. It can be great fun planning new and creative ways to spread love and kindness in the world. - Practice gratitude
How often are we conscious of all the gifts we enjoy on a daily basis? Most of the time, we take for granted people, things and abilities that we would be devastated to lose.
Gratitude means acknowledging that much of what sustains us and bring us comfort are gifts. It means paying attention to the simple pleasures of life that bring us relief and that capture our attention for even a moment.
When we pause long enough to notice the beauty around us, we see gifts everywhere. When we stop to think about how finite our time is on earth, we realize just how precious our time with loved ones and beloved places really its.
This holiday season, make a deliberate decision to be aware of your gifts and precious relationships. Allow an inner expression of gratitude to emerge. Consider making an outer expression of gratitude, such as sending a thank you note to someone who has impacted your life in a positive way. - Do something different
While holiday traditions can be meaningful and comforting, doing the same thing every year can also become a meaningless rut. After a while, activities that are too familiar can become unappreciated or seem like old news.
Adding some novelty or surprise to our holiday season is a great way to increase joy and enhance connection with loved ones. The reason novelty is so powerful is that it jolts us out of the usual trance we tend to be in and forces us to be present in the moment. This is why traveling to a new place or seeing something unexpected can be so pleasant.
This holiday season, consider adding something new. It doesn’t have to be big. It might be a creative twist on an annual tradition, or doing something familiar in a new way. Or, it might be trying something altogether new, different or unexpected. There is no shortage of holiday activities, places to visit, and traditions that perhaps you and your family have not tried before. You might find you enjoy it so much that you want to start a new annual tradition. If not, you can always try something else next year!
My wish for you is that you and yours are filled with joy and peace this holiday season. And don’t forget: the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!
The light of the Christmas star to you
Irish Christmas Prayer
The warmth of home and hearth to you
The cheer and goodwill of friends to you
The love of the Son and God’s peace to you
Want to ring in 2020 with more joy, meaning and connection?
Learn more about the 40 Days Fuller guide, a 40-day guided program for more joy, meaning and connection in daily life.