Most people have not had enough conversations (or in some cases, any conversation at all) with those closest to them about how they would want medical decisions made in the event they are seriously ill and cannot communicate. Many assume that their loved ones would know what to do for them in a situation like that, but that is simply not the case. Without the benefit of these proactive conversations, family members frequently struggle with medical decisions and suffer with guilt, self-doubt, and family conflict. There is also the chance that they would make decisions that you would not have consented to, simply because they do not know what you would want.
The global Covid-19 pandemic has made it all the more important that we have conversations with our families and/or those closest to us about what would matter most to us if we became seriously ill.
In a time when so much is out of control, one thing you can control is choosing who would speak for you in the event you cannot communicate. While we cannot anticipate everything, our chosen advocates will be much more prepared to make medical decisions on our behalf if they understand what our goals would be in the event of a serious illness or injury. Individual goals vary according to personal values and beliefs, especially in the context of little chance of recovery. Even the definition of “recovery” can vary for people whose goals would change depending on their chance for “meaningful” recovery, as defined by them.
This is why having these conversations is so important. While they may be difficult to start, these proactive conversations will help ensure you get the care you would choose for yourself, and help prepare your designated decision maker in a very difficult time.
To help you initiate these discussions, here are some conversation starters you can use around the table, over the phone, or on a Zoom call with the people you care about! You will likely learn something new about the people who matters most to you, and you might even learn something new about yourself!
Scroll down for additional resources for continuing the conversation and for completing advance directives such as a living will.
Recommended Resources:
- Kentucky resources from Baptist Health System, in context of Covid-19 (includes a printable planning guide and living will directive)
- The Conversation Project offers conversation starter kits in several languages, lists advance directive resources by state, and provides a comprehensive list of relevant resources.
- Prepare for Your Care helps you reflect on your wishes and goals and keep a record of your preferences. You can even complete an advance directive form through the website.
- The Hello Game lets you dive deeper into a meaningful conversation with your family about what matters most to you, in a non-threatening way. Make it part of game night!
- Lifecare has a list of statutory advance directives for all 50 states.